Bipolar Thoughts

It is an extremely common phrase to hear when people are either trying to help people with depression or people are struggling with depression:

You are not alone

I think that the idea of being alone is terrifying for most everyone. I think this is why marriage, especially second marriage, is so popular. This is why we stand behind political candidates and root for certain college football teams. This is why we wear the flags of our ethnic heritages, and sometimes talk about it as if we’ve ever even been there. This is why we join religious groups and non-religious groups alike. The fear of being alone is probably at the core of all of these things. We are stronger as a group or a family. We can accomplish more. People in my group understand a part of me, or even the whole of me. I am not alone either in the physical or emotional sense.

I am not the only person experiencing this.

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Bipolar Thoughts

Last night I woke up at 2:46am and was very energized.

It is a nightly occurrence that I wake up around 3am to pee. Lithium is a diuretic, but it also gives you dry mouth. Good times.

Anyway, I was wide awake. I got up to pee. I got a glass of water. I went and responded to a couple emails for work. I hopped around Facebook and Twitter and Instagram. I did some research on a presidential hopeful. I watched an episode of “Girls” on HBO Go on my phone. I pet my cat after she jumped in my lap.

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Blog

There are some things changing in this blog so I thought I would update you all.

First, I have been added to the Bipolar Blogger Network and you can find the link to their website below the existing link to Psych Central.

Second, I am about to make a major change to the format of this blog.

Since I have started this blog, I have always had the mindset of providing as much content as I could produce. On the day I launched I posted my first ten essays, and I have posted at least two articles, and up to five, on every day that I posted since, with the exclusion of one time.

I always thought that if someone was coming here to read, they should have enough to keep them occupied for awhile.

And it always helped that I was generating plenty of content. I never felt rushed into writing, or that I was putting out bad material.

This mentality is not common in the world of blogging. I have never found another amateur blog to post more than one article per update, or seven articles in a week, the number that I strive for. Most post one or two articles a week, sometimes three.

I still like the idea of doing it how I always have. I am not having any difficulty producing content, or trouble updating the site, or anything of that nature.

The problem is that, for whatever reason, people have stopped reading anything but the top article.

On a given update, I can pretty much guarantee the top post will get 150 reads, which the second or third post will sometimes have a hard time cracking 40. Some of my favorite postings have been mired with less than 40 reads.

I do not know what to do about this, or why it changed so suddenly. This has only been going on for about a month. But I need to do something.

So, starting today I am only going to post one article per update. I will more than likely add a day that I update, probably something like Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Saturday.

Thank you for reading!

Oh, and there is an article right below this one, you should probably go read it.

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Bipolar Thoughts

I’ve been having hallucinations lately.

They are minor things. I would describe the feeling mostly like a much more certain form of déjà vu. The only psychosis I have ever experienced is visual. Generally I think something or someone is someplace that they are not. As an example, this morning I was in the bathroom getting ready before work and my daughter was in our living room. She called to get my attention and I look over, talk to her for a bit, and then I saw her walk into the bathroom with me and go right in front of me. But, a split second later I hear her talk in the living room again and I look down and nothing is there. Last week I was outside and I thought I saw my wife walk around the side of the house so I followed after her and called her but she was inside in the kitchen. She had never even been outside.

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Bipolar Thoughts

I have been in a slight upswing for a couple of weeks now and there is really nothing I can do about it.

The most interesting thing since I have had my ECT is not that I have not yet been down (although that is impressive), it is that I have been so up. This is now the second distinct time that I have been in an elevated mood. I have never once gone back to back up cycles. Now, neither has been manic. Both have been hypomanic but they have both been very prolonged.

It is a new experience in more than one way, first, just the back to back thing, but also because my manic cycles are usually very short. A full manic cycle for me, of which I have only had maybe four in my life, will last two to three weeks. A hypomanic cycle, of which I have had dozens and dozens, can be shorter, like from four days to two weeks. So experiencing this much elevation in mood is bizarre and becoming difficult to deal with.

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Blog

I find it really interesting to think about the ways I interact with different groups of people.

For the most part, I’m the same guy everywhere. People expect me to be funny, people expect me to be interested in a good conversation, people expect me to be easy going.

And I am all of those things. Those things are the easiest parts of my character to manufacture on command, so I generally know I can always be those things.

But with my family I am more reserved, especially with jokes. I don’t have conversations about some of the biggest things in my life. I do what I can to maintain neutrality on most things. I am generally focused on not upsetting anyone. I think that when I am with my family (and by this I mean my family and my wife’s family) I am more aware of my thoughts and actions. And I am particularly careful about what I say.

Blog

Well, I just had a post reach the 1000 reads plateau. Pretty cool.

I am not really sure how it has happened but I have about a dozen posts that are deep into the several hundred reads. While the majority of my posts seem to top out around 150 reads, and some are as low as 40. In fact, some of my favorites are stuck under 50.

My opening day Detroit Tigers post is the only one that makes sense because it got linked to by a sports blog site and so that one got up over 700 views in a hurry.

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Bipolar Thoughts

I think I might have mentioned this in passing before, probably on my first post about ECT, but I have an abnormally high tolerance to medication.

The story starts a couple years ago when I began seeing my current psychiatrist. Before he started me on any drug therapy he wanted to run a genetic and DNA (I guess that is probably the same thing, eh? He also ran a full lipid panel) test so he could narrow down exactly what class of drugs would likely have the best results.

I went to the hospital the next day and got blood drawn and mouth swabbed and waited two weeks for the results. My shrink didn’t really go over the full extent of the test except to say that Lithium would not cause any of the side-effects it can sometimes take on regarding salt and iron and whatever else in the blood stream. He also told me that I would probably require high dosages of either anti-psychotics or SSRIs.

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Pretending to Amuse

We discuss stand-up comedy, from our earliest adventures into it, to how it can help shape our political and cultural surroundings. We also bring up the different avenues a comic has to be funny, like sitcoms and podcasts. We give our difinitive list of the current greats, and pay tribute to some of our fallen favorites.

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