I have never won anything in my life. And I mean like, anything.

Not only have I failed to win the lottery, or Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes, but I have never won more than $10 on a scratch-off.

It isn’t just luck games like that either. I can count, without removing a shoe, the number of sporting events I’ve won. I’ve never achieved a place in the playoffs, let alone won the championship, ever. Hell, I have only three times since I entered High School even rooted for a championship winning team, and two of those were the same franchise!