Bipolar Thoughts

One of the things you always hear about Bipolar Disorder is “moody”. The disease is labeled as a ‘mood disorder’, it is often characterized by excessive ‘mood swings’, and people who are moody tend to be labeled as bipolar by their friends and enemies.

But boy do I hate this descriptor.

Mood swings are part of the game with bipolar, no doubt. But it tends to be more with the severity of the change then the frequency of it. It is easy for me to go from bouncing off the walls silly to seething angry in a relatively short period of time, with or without impetus. But I’m not likely to go back and forth a bunch of times. The extremes are generally what define the disease.

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Bipolar Thoughts

I was feeling a lot of anxiety yesterday. I get anxiety every morning when I go to work. Almost every day I beat it, but not yesterday. I had to pull off onto the shoulder of 696 and just breathe.

I went home and took a klonopin and felt better, but sleepy. As soon as the sleepiness went away I took another and then went to bed. Later that night I was still feeling anxious so I took two more klonpin, as well as two of my wife’s pain pills for her back. I don’t remember anything after that. Apparently I was a disaster getting to bed, walking into walls and stumbling.

My wife had no idea what was happening, and didn’t know what I had done until the next day when I told her. I haven’t done anything like that in a long time. I don’t even know the last time I drank too much. I have been doing well in that regard.

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Bipolar Thoughts

I know a few sets of identical twins, and oddly enough a few of my friends from high school and college have recently had twins. And I have always had this question:

Why aren’t they identical?

Usually when they are young it is very difficult to tell them apart, but as they age they generally become very distinct. I suppose the answer is simple: environmental factors. Smoking,weight, diet, exercise all have massive bearing on how you age. Also your stress, your line of work, where you live (if you don’t live near your twin) could all weigh on you as well.

But then you notice strange details that are distinct. The shapes of their nose or eyes are different. Their voices aren’t the same. And of course none of that is to speak of different tastes and interests, lifestyles, work ethic, competitive natures, etc.

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Bipolar Thoughts

A common thing you will hear amongst people that have a fear of heights is not a fear that they will fall, but a fear that they will have the compulsion to jump. This sort of fear that they will not be able to control themselves, like they absolutely have to know what the experience is like, even if it kills them.

Anxiety comes from fear, and almost always the fear of the same thing: not being in control of yourself or your surroundings.

Depending on who you talk to and what you are talking about (maybe someone with more education regarding this than I can clear that up for me) there are either 4 or 7 types of anxiety. When I was hospitalized a few years ago we talked about the four types of anxiety disorders:

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Bipolar Thoughts

I have been in a really good mood lately. And thankfully it hasn’t been an out of control up, just a really pretty normal happy.

I haven’t written for this blog in several weeks. The last post I wrote was the one during the panic attack, and I still posted that two weeks after I wrote it. So it has been awhile, a long while. And the reason is, I haven’t really had much to say. Talking about Bipolar when you aren’t symptomatic is pretty much like talking about everyday life.

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