Bipolar ThoughtsPersonal RelationshipsSuicide

Monday was my wife’s first day back to work since the birth of my son.

So Monday was also my first day driving both kids home from my parent’s house. And for whatever reason, very surprisingly, the drive home was rather emotional for me.

Maybe it was the realization that this is the last one. I’ll never have another first day of driving my child home from my parent’s house. This one is it. Our family is settled at this point. But to be honest, I wasn’t thinking about my son really at all. I was focused on my daughter.

Bipolar ThoughtsObsessions

I have long held the position that the mind games people like to cite as ways to attain happiness are complete poppy-cock. Maybe they work for some people, and maybe they give a certain level of satisfaction, but they have no effect on any of my serious moods, or my overall perception of life. Do not attempt to fight depression by using guru techniques.

And to be perfectly honest, science is on my side with this one.

Bipolar ThoughtsMedication

There is a building ideology within the mental health community that the approach of life-long medication is outdated. Medications are better utilized in crisis or times of visible active disease. Thankfully, bipolar often expresses itself within cycles, one of those cycles being something like ‘remission’, in other words, where I am right now. However I should note that this ideology is currently not being applied to Bipolar or Schizophrenia. Although with the emergence of non-medication medical treatments like the new forms of ECT, or TMS and even newer technologies about to roll onto the market, we might soon see a dramatic shift away from daily pills as an effective method for treating Bipolar Disorder.

[I should note here that use of a term like ‘remission’ is extremely controversial. There has been a lot of softening on the idea that various mental illnesses are genetic or derived from a chemical imbalance and all that jazz everyone believed was 100% true just 10 years ago. But remission is going the opposite way. 10 years ago you could find several articles pointing to bipolar remission and today virtually none. I can only tell you my experience. I am virtually symptom free, and have been for months. I have days that are up or down similar to a normal cycle but they are very short lived, even if severe. So I understand this is not complete ‘remission’ in the normal sense of the word, but I have no other words to use.]

Bipolar ThoughtsDepressionPersonal Relationships

It is an interesting and difficult and sad part of life when something happens to drive a wedge into a relationship.

The wedge could be driven by a controversial conversation, maybe the usage (abuse) of a substance, disagreement about friends or even dating an enemy, bad habits, who knows. There are a million things that can do it and eventually it usually leads to the demise of the relationship. But until then, it becomes a huge uncomfortable impediment to your relationship.

Making everyone in your life aware that you are Bipolar is like throwing a massive wedge in every relationship you have.

Bipolar ThoughtsSuicide

September is Suicide Prevention Month. And so, here is a bit about gun violence and suicide and mental illness.

If you want to make a serious impact on reducing gun violence deaths, you need to target suicide.

Fun facts about gun suicides!

They are over 90% (some say 95%) effective!

Gun suicide is the most common method, accounting for more deaths than all other methods combined (and this isn’t even counting homicides that most people believe are suicide. For example, suicide rates in African American communities are extremely low, but homicide rates are higher than average. Most experts believe that suicidal people in these communities put themselves into a situation to be murdered as a way out. Similar logic applies to a significant proportion of motor vehicular accidents).


I wrote this in the middle of July. I never really finished it, which is why I never published it, but I suppose now is an appropriate time. The top half of this is old, the bottom is new, you’ll get it.

As I write this, my wife is 38 weeks pregnant. This is the furthest along she has ever been, since my daughter was born during the 37th week of pregnancy.

The last time around I was pretty much a trainwreck. And we were not prepared at all. Thankfully it happened on a weekend, and just blocks from my house, so it was easy to roll with the punches. But the major difference is that this time around I feel much better. I’m nothing but excited for this baby. I know what it takes to raise an infant. I remember how frustrating and difficult it was but I know I can handle it better now. I am worried about how my current daughter will be, especially since right now we are not good friends. But it will be what it will be. I’m much more laid back this time around.

AnxietyBipolar ThoughtsDepressionManiaPersonal History

So, it has been almost two months since I have posted anything to this website.

For a good part of my time off I was still writing some, but absolutely nothing since my son was born. I’ll get into that later.

For now, this is what you need to know: I am symptom free, including all depression and most anxiety. I am drug free, I am not taking any medication, and I’m also not drinking much. I am not seeing any doctors, not a shrink, not a therapist.

I am doing almost none of the things that I did to work on being healthy. Not eating well or exercising, not sleeping on a good schedule or even much at all, not reading or writing much, not working on anything much at all.

But, I feel perfectly fine. Normal ups and down, nothing serious, barely any anxiety, a good amount of insomnia that I have been constantly dealing with since high school.