BlogFamilyInspiration

I am starting a new series of essays on this blog. I’m going to be posting them on Saturday mornings, as this one was, hoping to inject some good vibes into your weekends. However, I might move them into my normal weekly slots. Stay tuned.

But here is the plan: I’m going to write one piece a week about things I am thankful for, or at least things that keep me positive. I don’t plan on doing the big obvious things, though. Anyone who knows me or has read enough of this blog understands that I am a lucky person, born into a situation that most people envy, and given enough talent and ability for it to be a real shame if I don’t do something with my life.

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Bipolar ThoughtsPersonal Relationships

About a two years ago I had my ECT treatment.

The story leading up to that is simple: I was doing poorly, attempted suicide on my 30th birthday. Went to my shrink the next day and he sent me to the ECT guru of the Beaumont system the following Monday. That afternoon I checked into Beaumont Royal Oak’s psych ward and I would remain there for a week; 5 nights and 6 days.

My very first night there I had an unexpected and very welcomed guest. I believe the very next night I had some members of my immediate family stop by and visit me. I was incredibly nervous about being there. I hate to sleep away from my bed and away from my wife. I often have very horrifying sleep and she is always there to wake me and comfort me when I need it. But now, I was sleeping next to a man in his 90’s that was completely deaf. Any nighttime disturbance would be assuaged by a nurse, possibly. And I doubt he/ she would want to cuddle with me.

AnxietyBipolar ThoughtsDepressionManiaObsessionsPersonal History

I think people might get confused a bit when I say things like “I’m symptom free” or use the word “remission”.

The truth is those things don’t exist. I am never totally ok.

I haven’t experienced the crushing extremes of bipolar in about 10 months. But just a couple days ago I was reminded that exactly a year ago right now I was in a crippling depression and was avoiding people and drinking heavily. And, truth be told, I avoided people and felt depressed at times during this summer as well.

I still have the mood swings, even the extreme ones. I still experience anxiety, insomnia, irritability. I still find my mind racing, or find it difficult to get out of bed.

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