Bipolar ThoughtsSuicideTherapy

With all the hurricanes and earthquakes and fires and everything happening lately, I have seen a lot of footage of people being rescued. You know the image: person lying in a stretcher, being placed into the back end of an ambulance; usually an oxygen mask on their face. They look hurt, but it is an optimistic image. You know that the worst is probably behind this person. They are safe now. The healing has already begun.

I don’t mean to minimize how intense the healing process is, or the struggle some of those people will endure yet. And obviously, some of those people won’t ever leave that hospital. But what I am speaking to is that hopeful image. They put that image on the news because it shows devastation, but it shows humans prevailing, overcoming, helping, healing. It shows us that everything will be okay.

This is meant to depict the end of the struggle. Help has arrived. Safety.

For those of us who have gone to the hospital for mental health concerns, it is often a very different situation. For us, going to the hospital is filled with fear and trepidation. It might save our life, but things will probably get worse before they get better.

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Bipolar ThoughtsDepression

One of the more curious aspects of my depression when it gets very deep and is sustained for awhile, is that I begin to feel very disconnected.

I suppose you’ve heard that before, but allow me to explain further, maybe it isn’t quite what you think.

You know those dreams that are so lifelike, so accurate, so painfully exact, that it is disorienting to wake up? You aren’t really sure where you are or if you were just dreaming or creating real memories?

That is a very similar sensation when I say I feel disconnected. It is like I am never really sure if I am awake. I feel less like a participant in life and more like a spectator. And an uninterested one at that.

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