Bipolar ThoughtsPersonal History

This is just a short little update. Everyone is busy these next couple weeks so why not keep this short?

I have pretty much eliminated drinking from my life.

I haven’t quit by any means, but I have gotten to the point where I am able to have one or two and stop.

I only drank heavily one day this year, at my best friend’s bachelor party. That’s all, in all of 2017.

There was a time or two in addition to that where I had more than I would allow myself to have now. But I am still proud of that.

Drinking became a pretty difficult thing for me to manage. I realized long before I stopped that the consequences of alcohol were often severe for me. It took me awhile to have the strength to take that knowledge and act on it.

I would never say I had a real problem with alcohol. But I would say that is just isn’t a good choice for me. It was something that often played poorly into my life and I needed greater control of that.

So, for now, it is out, at least any large quantity.

And if I ever feel that I get to a point where I feel out of control with having just one or two, then I will move to limit it more drastically. But so far this year, I think it has gone really well. And I am looking forward to keeping that going throughout the holidays and into next year.

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One of the things I have been trying to do over the last several months is gather together my best essays and put them together in a book.

I have done a good amount of research about self-publishing, and I think I have a good amount of that figured out. I have also started compiling these near 400 essays into themes that might form sections or chapters, I guess.

A strong impetus for this project is that no one seems to read my older essays. As a reader of this site you know that this isn’t set up like a lot of blogs, as a sort of diary. I mostly write about topics that, while often related to my current life, really are about larger topics than that. So my older essays are still relevant to be read. These things usually don’t time out. So while this blog format is useful in many ways, I think it also might be limiting my work.

Part of that issue is how blogs are navigated. As a reader you have to do some digging to find old work. I try to remedy this by tagging related work to each post and having the most popular essays always accessible through a quick link menu, but dozens of good essays are just difficult to find.

AnxietyBipolar ThoughtsDepressionTherapy

Have you ever listened to people talk about gambling? They would have you believe that cards or chips or coins or chairs have a special voodoo to them. No one seems to question the lunacy of saying that a machine or chair or table is “cold”, as if those things have any kind of determinism over the game you are playing.

It is beyond idiotic.

I have asked people why they believe in things like this, and the response is always something involving luck being tied to an inanimate object. It makes me realize that people are just confused as to how luck works. Of course, since there is a popular term “random luck”, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to find out people don’t understand luck. Random is implied in the term luck itself. You don’t need to add it. There is no such thing as ‘structured’ luck, or ‘relativistic’ luck. Luck is always random, or some people say it never is. Either way, ‘random luck’ makes no sense to say.

The reality about gambling is that as a gambler, there is very little you can do to control winning. And sometimes, there is nothing you can do at all. It is all luck. But people are hesitant to admit this. They refuse to acknowledge that they aren’t winning because the odds of winning are extremely low, and the things you can do to tilt those odds are extremely rare. No, no, no. They are losing because the machine they were on was ‘cold’, or the chair they sat in had bad luck, or the dealer was giving all the cards to someone else, or any number of idiotic things people say.

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