Bipolar Thoughts

Alcoholics Anonymous

I’ve always found that alcohol can solve all of my life’s problems.

Can’t sleep, alcohol.

Anxiety, alcohol.

Can’t talk to the pretty lady, alcohol.

Can’t sing in public, alcohol.

Depressed, alcohol.

Lonely, alcohol.

It always makes me feel better and solves the issues at hand.

But now, with my medications, and because I’ve been diagnosed with a bit of an alcohol problem, there is very little alcohol. My wife still lets me have beer, maybe because it is slower to act upon the body, but booze is almost off-limits.

A single drink, like the white Russian I am currently enjoying will stir up a fight. I don’t think it is because she is afraid to clean up the mess, but I am not exactly sure what the issue is. She doesn’t articulate it well beyond, “you aren’t supposed to have that stuff”. But let’s be honest, what doctor tells you it is okay to have alcohol?

The way I view it, I don’t have much time left on this Earth anyways, so I might as well enjoy it, reasonably.

I mean, I know I have had a problem in the past. I know the booze needs to be locked up in my basement, I know I get carried away and pass out and black out and it isn’t a good scene for anyone. But I need to blow off some of this steam somehow.

I’ll take up meditation in the morning, for now, I’m grabbing another drink.