Bipolar Thoughts

Back to Normal

It has been two and a half weeks since my first treatment and I finally feel back to normal.

My head feels like it is screwed on properly, my memory is more intact, I feel well rested in spite of my sleep pattern, I’m eating way less since being off a pill known for driving up your weight, I’m getting along with my daughter, and everything just feels good.

I say despite my sleep because I am having a hard time sleeping lately. Rough falling asleep, waking up in the middle of the night for hours, and waking before my alarm clock most every morning. I feel rested and not tired at all, but this will catch up with me.

I wish I could explain how weird I felt from my ECT until just a couple days ago. Just kinda in a daze and hard to put things together or figure things out. I had a very difficult time problem solving for a long time. That is all back to normal now, or at least very close.

I have been back at work for a week now and everything is like normal there now as well. I have mostly gotten into a routine for getting to and coming home from work, getting ready in the morning, doing things at night, lunch routines and everything about a work day that I forgot that I knew about. So that is going well, I can’t complain about it.

Jocelyn is much more friendly around me for the last week or so. She wants to hang out with me, wants me to read her books and hold her and put her to bed. She danced with me last night while watching music videos on my phone. She gives me hugs and kisses basically whenever I ask for them. She has been an angel for me and I love every second of it.

One of the weirdest things about the timing of my hospitalization is that when I went into the hospital it was cold and when I got out of the hospital it was extremely hot. And of course, now it is cold again. But it made it feel like I was in the hospital forever, even though it wasn’t very long at all.

I started back up with my podcast and I am glad that didn’t take much effort to bring back to life. I’m even more thankful that the timing worked out perfectly that I didn’t have to miss any time in posting podcasts. For all of you podcast listeners, it is like nothing ever changed. And I’m happy that worked out that way.

The last aspect of my normal life before the hospitalization that I am working for getting moving again is this blog. Hopefully today starts me back on regular postings and I can get back to what I was doing before. Surprisingly, my daily traffic is still there. It has been cut in half, but people are still coming even though content is not being posted. I think that is a good sign.

The bad news is that thinking of things to write about and actually sitting down to write these posts is much more difficult now. The three postings that I have written since my first ECT have taken about half hour each to write, when before I would easily crank one out in less than ten minutes. I’m sure that will come back, but I want to provide quality content still and I hope I don’t continue to find it difficult. Once I get this blog functional again, everything I am really proud of working on will be back and running again. I will be happy.