Bipolar ThoughtsTherapy


Week three of thankfulness:

I didn’t post one of these last week, and the reason is simple: it was my birthday last Saturday. I turned 32.

Birthdays are never a good time for me. Some of you are aware that two years ago, on my 30th birthday, was my most recent attempt to commit suicide. It came after a couple years of struggling with many episodes, a few other attempts, and a hospitalization. It resulted in another hospitalization and ECT.

Today, I am thankful that I turned 32.

It wasn’t any easy birthday, yet again. But things appear to be getting better.

It was the most beautiful day of the year so far. My wife and I went out to eat at a new restaurant that had great food and a nice patio.

I received many well wishes, both on social media and through text or call. I got more gifts than I deserve, including an Amazon Echo that I am currently listening to; although it is too easy to use and Jocelyn has already mastered getting it to play Bruno Mars and Katy Perry.

I mowed the lawn, cleaned up a few things in the yard, and just experienced the breeze.

Normally this time of year is very difficult for me. The spring and I are not friends, and never have been. I hate my birthday, and dislike celebrating it. I hate growing older but being less far along in life.

But this year, 32, it is the first birthday since 27 that I have felt even somewhat decent, even in the face of some problematic and stressful things going on in my life.

I’m thankful for that. I’m thankful for this new direction.

A lot of these thankfulness blogs have been/ will be about the things that I am doing to keep happy, but this blog is just about the fact that I am content. I’m simply thankful I have the ability to write a series of blogs like this. The last several years felt like I would never feel this way again.

But here I am. 32 years old on the most beautiful day of the year.

Not too bad.