AnxietyBipolar ThoughtsDepressionTherapy

Have you ever listened to people talk about gambling? They would have you believe that cards or chips or coins or chairs have a special voodoo to them. No one seems to question the lunacy of saying that a machine or chair or table is “cold”, as if those things have any kind of determinism over the game you are playing.

It is beyond idiotic.

I have asked people why they believe in things like this, and the response is always something involving luck being tied to an inanimate object. It makes me realize that people are just confused as to how luck works. Of course, since there is a popular term “random luck”, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised to find out people don’t understand luck. Random is implied in the term luck itself. You don’t need to add it. There is no such thing as ‘structured’ luck, or ‘relativistic’ luck. Luck is always random, or some people say it never is. Either way, ‘random luck’ makes no sense to say.

The reality about gambling is that as a gambler, there is very little you can do to control winning. And sometimes, there is nothing you can do at all. It is all luck. But people are hesitant to admit this. They refuse to acknowledge that they aren’t winning because the odds of winning are extremely low, and the things you can do to tilt those odds are extremely rare. No, no, no. They are losing because the machine they were on was ‘cold’, or the chair they sat in had bad luck, or the dealer was giving all the cards to someone else, or any number of idiotic things people say.

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AnxietyBipolar ThoughtsDepression

I hate the term “rock-bottom” and all of the sloppy metaphors that are associated with it.

Here is the problem: you only know where the bottom was in retrospect. When you are at your lowest point, you honestly have no idea how much further down you can go.

So that makes it nothing at all like rock bottom. If you fall in a well, you will know when you hit rock bottom. It is painfully obvious, literally.

I have been at my lowest point ever in my life, many times in my life. I have felt like I could feel no worse than I did at that moment, only to feel worse the very next day, or the next week, or not for several more months.

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AnxietyBipolar ThoughtsDepressionMental Health News

The International Bipolar Foundation recently shared this article: http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/317919.php

And I found it pretty fascinating.

Researchers have identified 7 genes that are related to insomnia. That alone is great news, as gene therapy becomes an ever more real way to treat mental illness.

But they also found some interesting associations. Now, I should note that none of this should be surprising. Everything I am about to tell you should make perfect sense. But it is still nice to see hard science backing up what soft science already associated.

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AnxietyBipolar ThoughtsDepression

There are a few words in the English lexicon that appear to draw a lot of power.

Sport is a good one. Lots of things claim to be sports, and saying something isn’t a sport is often very controversial; so much so that pretty much any type of physical competition is now considered a sport. Hell, even activities that aren’t competitive take on the moniker, like hunting or fishing.

Somehow, we have deemed “sport” to be the word with the most honor bestowed upon it, and words like “competition” are deemed to sit below it.

Art is this way as well. People clearly not making art claim to be artists all the time, like restorative painters. And people that sit well outside the traditional visual, literary, musical, or thespian arts claim all the time to be creating art.

Hell, I’ve even said that once in this space.

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AnxietyBipolar ThoughtsDepressionPersonal HistoryPersonal RelationshipsTherapy

“Perhaps [ideas] are, for instance, like some big salmon or trout. They are not born fully grown; they are not even born in the sea or water where they normally live. They are born hundreds of miles away from their home grounds, where the rivers narrow to tiny streams. Just as it takes time for a speck of fish spawn to mature into a fully-grown fish, so we need time for everything that develops and crystallizes in our world of ideas.”

“Nothing is as dangerous in architecture as dealing with separated problems. If we split life into separated problems we split the possibilities to make good building art.”

-Alvar Aalto

Aalto is one of my favorite architects/ furniture designers. Most architects I know consider him one of their favorites. I won’t get into anything about his architecture, but you should look him up if you like architecture or design. He was amazing.

Like most of the biggest architects throughout history, he was also a pretty incredible thinker and philosopher. He always spoke of big ideas in relation to architecture, but many of the things he had to say have impact in most areas of life.

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AnxietyBipolar Thoughts

Caffeine is known to induce anxiety in people.

This side effect is pronounced in people that have a capacity for anxiety, but really it can have this effect on anyone. Anxiety is simply a common side effect of caffeine.

When I was a kid I was told a lot of things about caffeine, that it would stunt my growth most commonly, but no one ever talked to me about anxiety. Of course, this is really the only true side effect of it.

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AnxietyBipolar ThoughtsBlogDepressionFamilyParenting

“Remember why you came and while you’re alive to experience the warmth before you go”

– Incubus “The Warmth”

I struggle on most days with my responsibilities at home. Parenthood is very difficult for me and something I feel like I’m getting worse at with each passing day. There are times when I get unreasonably irritable, times when my frustration doesn’t match the occasion.

For what it is worth, no one really helps me with it. There isn’t a single person in my life trying to help me be a better parent, or even help me ease the difficulties of it. Now, that isn’t to say people don’t help out, even a lot. We get a ton of support in terms of daily babysitting or even if we have something we want or need to do. Our children are always welcome and in good hands and we have a lot of options. But what I am talking about is not that type of help. I don’t mean take the kids off my hands for some time help. I mean emotional support. I mean clearing my head kind of support. I mean relieving stress and learning to avoid it kind of support.

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AnxietyBipolar Thoughts

Anxiety has an amazing ability to humble you.

No matter how big and tough and strong you think you are, anxiety can reduce you to a balled up, crying, shaking wreck. All you want is to be held like a baby, tears stream down your face, and you have no control over yourself.

I often have this odd sensation on my skin when my anxiety is high. It is hyper-sensitive to the touch. Even blankets or clothes can irritate to the point of pain. All you want is to be hidden in a pile of blankets four feet high, but it feels like a sunburn all over your body.

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AnxietyBipolar ThoughtsDepression

I apologize for not being around for awhile. Things have been very busy for me, kids, work, spring things around the house, a big wedding, graduations and birthdays and everything has been crazy.

But another reason is that I have been dealing a lot with some depression and a lot of anxiety. I have missed a good number of days of work. I have felt particularly awful, barely sleeping, eating much less, much more stressed out, and very little ability to relive stress.

As a result, a little over a month ago, for the first time in several months, I took sleeping medication to try to get some sleep.

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