Excitable Me

When I was a kid, and even through college, I would get very excited about practically everything.

I went to a lot of concerts, I played my own. I went to a party every weekend. I had a ton of friends that always had a bunch going on. I was constantly reading new stuff, learning. I was always learning to play new songs on my guitar. I went to see a lot of movies, and some plays or other shows. In college I went to a ton of lectures, practically every lecture I could find. I couldn’t wait for new music to be released and I would pour over the release dates and even mark them on my calendar. I would spend hours and hours digging back through the history of jazz or blues. I would go to art exhibits, installations, or street art murals as often as I could.

All of those things made me extremely excited.

After college things shifted to excitement about a project at work, or still seeing movies or going to an art house. Music was still relevant but much less so. Learning songs on my guitar became cyclical, where I would go in heavy spurts of playing constantly to not touching it for months. Seeing friends and family became the main source of excitement for me, since I didn’t see my friends much, and family slid into the lead as my main source of social time.

After having a kid excitement changed again. It can be very thrilling to have a child, especially those spontaneous moments when something that has never happened before happens for the first time. And when a baby is little those moments can happen daily. But almost everything else brings with it a bit of frustration and anxiety. Going to the movies can still be exciting, but you have to find a baby sitter. I honestly haven’t gone to a concert, play, art exhibit, museum, lecture, club, or really even a bar since my daughter was born. I have only gone to a couple of movies and that is about the only entertainment I have consumed in the 17 months Jocelyn has been alive.

But to be perfectly honest I haven’t really noticed. I have been busy enough with my daughter to not really want to do those things. So the point of this isn’t that those things are gone, that is ancillary, but that the things that once excited me are no longer what excites me.

And, sadly, I haven’t really replaced them with much. The podcast is a lot of fun and I get amped up for that. Seeing my friends is the number one way to get me excited, but it doesn’t happen very often. I don’t really even see my family as much as I used to.

I know this is something I need to change. And it seems like I should start by looking back at those things I used to love and try to regain some of that old magic. At the same time I would like to try to find new things to get into.

Maybe one of these days I will figure out what it means to no longer be 22 years old.