Bipolar Thoughts

Insomni-Oh No!

Well it happened.

Just days after writing an essay about how good things were going, I get my first signs that maybe I’, manic right now, at least hypo.

Last night I didn’t sleep. I laid down for about an hour, maybe I snoozed for half of that or so. But that was all. And it wasn’t just insomnia. Insomnia is a fairly common thing for me, it I why I take a sleeping pill. But this wasn’t insomnia because I wasn’t sleeping, it was insomnia because I wasn’t tired, at all.

But I finally did get to sleep, right around 6:30am. Jocelyn had just woken up and was laying behind me.

I slept for about two hours. And when I woke up, I wasn’t tired. I spent the whole day in the heat, out in the sun, swimming in the pool, and I never got tired. It is 1am of the next night and I took my pills over an hour ago and I’m not tired. Just a little bit, but not really.

That’s how sleep, or lack of sleep, is when you are manic. Now, one night isn’t a big deal, so I’m not gonna freak out, but here I am, wondering what is next.

Sleep wasn’t the only sign.

During the two hours I was sleeping, I had sleep paralysis. I haven’t had sleep paralysis in months. And oddly enough, I had it when my daughter was laying right behind me and she didn’t even notice it. I’m happy she didn’t, but it is odd.

And that wasn’t the only sign. On Friday I ate one taco and some rice all day. Today, I ate two tacos and a piece of cake, and that is all. I’m just not hungry.

Now, none of this has been going on long enough to consider it mania, even hypo. It could just be a weird couple of days. And, none of those symptoms alone constitute mania either, even hypo. But packed together and it makes you worried.

My most common manic symptoms are racing thoughts and insomnia. And I don’t have the racing thoughts. I don’t have anxiety either. All in all, I feel amazing! I really do. But feeling amazing when you should feel like garbage, like when you have had two hours of sleep that was interrupted with paralysis, that is probably mania.

For now, it is wait and see. I’m glad I have been able to spot this so early, of course, not sleeping kinda smacks you in the face. Normally my ups are almost over by the time I realize I’m having them. So from here I can observe and report.