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Lately

Lately I haven’t really written much.

Actually, that isn’t entirely true. I have probably started the same amount of essays I write every week. But I haven’t finished a single one. Today I have written three. And aside from one I wrote a couple weeks ago, these are the first three I have completed since March.

I mentioned earlier that I was in a good mood and being that way leaves me with less to say. That is partially true. On my happier days I tend to write more about the medical side of things. I like to do research and spit that out onto a page with my own thoughts.

But the big thing is that I simply haven’t had time. I have been very busy at work, working some extra hours most days. And I have been busy on the weekends with helping friends do some things as well as spring cleaning and yard work of my own. And my wife has been having a difficult time with her back for the last few months, so I have had to do a lot more around the house and with my daughter.

So lack of time plus lack of motivation = no blogging.

It couldn’t have come at a more inopportune time either, seeing as my Facebook ‘likeship’ has approached 200 people and my essays were reaching nearly a thousand people a day, and now I might have to build that back up again. But such is life.

Funny story, I started writing this almost a month ago and couldn’t finish it. But I will start again tonight.

Things are pretty much the same as everything I wrote above. My wife has had even more trouble with her back, so I have had more time doing the multitude of things she normally does, on top of working a lot, and being busy on the weekends with friends and family events.

Blogging isn’t the only thing I have put on hold, either. When this good mood started for me, back in March, it was fueled by a change up in my therapist and eating a better diet and getting exercise 4-6 days a week. None of that exists right now. I am having a hard time making the time to do those things (not diet, I have time for that). And normally, not doing those things is really bad news for a bipolar. Diet and exercise are extremely effective ways at combating the disease.

But here I am, in the most prolonged non-symptomatic period since my ECT a little over a year ago. And actually, this might be a more consistent regular mood than even that. This might be the best place I have been in since everything started to unravel in summer 2012.

Here is the deal: this is the best time to work on your psychology outside of your disease, right? Think about it, if I am not being symptomatic, then I can work on all the other issues going on that usually feed those symptoms. So this is actually the most critical time to be in therapy, to be writing, to really be analyzing.

But god damn if it isn’t really hard to do.

Just like when times are rough, I am trying to remain level-headed, take things one day at a time and keep the longview. I have been working very hard on the way I process my world over the last four years so that when I finally got to this point I would be prepared. And I feel exactly that, well prepared. It would be silly now for me to change it all up and think everything is going to be rosy forever and just abandon everything. Now is when it matters. So I hope to really get back into it.

Hopefully this post is the start.