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Marry Me

Most people, after being with someone long enough, consider what it would be like to marry the person they are with. I am no different, of course. And I am married, so obviously it is something I considered at least once.

The problem with me is that I considered it a lot throughout my dating life. I would say there were no less than seven girls I seriously considered marrying, if nothing more than an obsessive dream. These aren’t even all girls that I dated seriously, or at all. But there was something special about all of them, something that made me want to marry them.

To this day I still think I would probably have turned out with a happy life if I married four of them.

I was always that type of guy, easy to commit, easy to fall in love. I was always the first to say ‘I love you’ in all of my relationships, and I probably felt like saying it within the first couple weeks every single time.

I always thought of myself as a relationship type of guy, never good at being single. I felt most comfortable with myself when someone else wanted to be with me.

The time between my last girlfriend and my wife was the longest I had gone being single since 9th grade, and it was basically 9 months. And when I asked my wife to marry me, a large part of my happiness that day was knowing that I would never have to be single again.

I don’t do single.

I suppose it is a function of not being comfortable enough with me to be alone with myself. It is also partly due to low confidence when it comes to women. Despite the success I had in the past, I never felt good about the future. I never saw myself as bringing a lot to the table. And that is more true today than ever before.

I like to follow these past women on Facebook and see if I could’ve followed them down the path that they chose. If I could do the things they are doing, if I could have made them happy in life. And then I think about my own path and if they could have followed me down mine. Most often I think no, in the end we all made the best decision. I’m just thankful that I won’t ever have to venture out into the dating world again.