Bipolar Thoughts

Movie Goer

I really enjoy movies.

Comedies are my favorite, but I will watch pretty much anything. I certainly don’t mind a “chick flick”, and I’m not above a fart joke, in fact, I find them hilarious. I try not to watch anything previously nominated for “worst movie of the year”, but that is pretty much my only line. However, since having a child, my time has become more valuable, and I try to do some research before I watch a movie.

I used to love movies because I could escape into them. I would love the theater, the all-encompassing experience of sitting in the dark with a massive screen. I would just not be Steve for a couple hours, I could transform into this casual observer of another existence.

But now, that isn’t really my relationship with movies any longer. I am sort of unable to sit that still and stay that focused for that long. A 90 minute movie will still get me sometimes, but it seems like every movie these days is pushing two and a half hours or more. So now I find myself getting distracted, not fully invested, and not totally enjoying myself when I watch a movie.

I even find it difficult to manage a one-hour TV show. But for some reason, watching four half hour shows in a row is no problem.

I really have no idea what happened.

I started to notice it when my normal everyday, just walking around anxiety was pretty high. So I thought that I was just too anxious to sit that long. I would pop a few pills before the show started but that just made me sleepy and have a hard time following what was going on. But my anxiety has been extremely low since my ECT and I still have a hard time sitting through a movie.

It seems silly to say, because it is pretty trivial, but it really bothers me. I miss being able to get lost like that, escape whatever was on my mind.

I wonder if this is one of those classic ‘I’m getting older’ bits that I’m experiencing? I have no idea but I hope I find a resolution soon.