I have never really been good at a job I’ve held.
I take that back, two jobs I had, I was good. I was good at Kmart, and I was good at the hospital. But those jobs also allowed for a lot of goofing off and horseplay.
Any real job I’ve had, whether it be painting houses, working in architecture, or my current job selling robotics supplies, I’ve just never been good at. No one in those jobs ever looked at me and thought I was one of the better employees.
The reasons are fairly obvious. I get distracted easily, I miss a lot of time, and I don’t really like working, or at least I haven’t yet found a job that made me really like to work. That isn’t a combination for a model employee.
But there are other things too. I don’t pay much attention to detail and, my last two jobs at least, I tend to work very detail oriented jobs. This is not something I ever wanted or got into and realized it doesn’t work with me. I’ve known since high school that I am more of a big picture guy. I only get into crunching details when the overall plan requires it from me, which is hardly ever. I’m even cool doing menial work if it is contributing to the big picture and not some mind-numbing detail oriented task. I don’t like details, and they don’t like me.
My memory is not very good. So trying to remember details is a chore and a hassle and something I’m not good at. I’m not good at remembering big stuff anymore, let alone details. I know that my poor memory has negatively affected the view of myself from a boss or two in my past. They ask a fairly obvious question and I can’t remember the answer but it appears like I’m not putting in the effort to remember.
My current boss, who happens to be my father in law, seems fairly pleased with my work so far, but I don’t know how. I’m sure I’ve cost the company money since I’ve been employed, I constantly forget things I need to know, and I haven’t developed any client base to speak of. I feel like a failure but he assures me that it all takes time.
I’m probably also not any good at this blogging thing. My readership has had a steady decline since I started the site. I hardly ever get comments or feedback outside of a couple people. And I have no ideas on how to turn it around.
I’m hoping if I keep at it long enough it will turn around, which is also my philosophy at work. The podcast started slower than anticipated but I hope we can build on it. Everything is so fresh it is silly to get negative but I’m also finding it hard to stay positive about it.
I suppose just like with so many other things in my life I’m about ready to give it up.