Easily the most common question I hear in response to things I post on this blog is “why would you post that?”
This is, of course, the stigma of mental illness.
The reason I write what I write is very simple: it is true. And the reason I post the things I post is also simple: it is true, and it is good writing, and it is affective.
Sure, a lot of what is written may be hard to read, or may make me appear dark or scary or violent or crazy. I don’t really care how they make me appear. The things I write are all real things I experience. This blog is not an exercise in fiction.
This is where the fuzzy logic comes in: regardless of whether I write these things down, regardless of whether I post them on this blog, I still experience them. I think some people believe that it is only an issue for me if they are reading about it. But of course, it is an issue for me either way.
This blog has become a bit of my art. I take pride in the things I write here. I spend time crafting these pieces. I pour my heart into them. I open myself to all sorts of things that I don’t have to, just to relate an authentic experience.
It helps me. I like to be creative. I need to create. This is my thing that I create.
At other points in my life I created art, or architecture, or music, or drawings, and now I create this blog, and a couple of podcasts as well. Creation is good for me. I don’t care if you don’t appreciate this. I don’t care if you don’t get it. I don’t care what your opinion is of it.
I know I have helped people with this blog.
I know I have hurt people with this blog.
The reality is that I do this blog for myself. I publish it because it makes me stick to this work ethic; it forces me to create all the time. The positive feedback makes me feel very good, and the negative feedback makes me feel even better.
Creating awareness, generating conversation, making you think about something you might not understand, or making you feel less alone knowing that I have experienced what you’re going through; those things are all amazing. But those things are all secondary to this blog simply being something I need to create.
That is why I post what I post.
True, good, affective