Bipolar Thoughts

Sitting Pretty

Well, the good news is that my mood has continued to remain up, but has not gotten any higher.

I feel amazing.

I am still getting less sleep, like 4-5 hours a night. I am only eating one meal a day. And those things are things to keep your eye on. But let’s be honest, those are like the good symptoms. Those are like what everyone wants, right? Oh I can go to bed at midnight and get up before 6 and also wake up a handful of time during the night and still feel AMAZING in the morning? Yes please. Sign me up. Oh hey, you will lose a couple pounds because you aren’t eating as much garbage? Boy, sounds terrible.

But nothing really has gotten worse; still no racing thoughts, which is the big one for me. The only big piece of news is that yesterday at work, about 1:30pm I started having one of the worst panic attacks in a long time. Really hard to breathe, felt like I was on the verge of dying. It lasted a solid 35 minutes. And while it wasn’t crippling or anything, it is probably the worst one I’ve ever had in public. And as soon as it started my mind was flooded with suicidal thoughts. They were just hammering away at my brain. I couldn’t think of anything else, not even a singular thought, for at least 15 minutes.

But it did fade away. It took several hours before I felt completely normal again. But the bad stuff was done in half an hour. That was my first panic attach in at least a few months. I have had high anxiety days or moments, but no full blown attacks in a long time.

But, that is that! I am still riding this train to feel good station (cheesiest thing I’ve written or par for the course?). I meet with my shrink tomorrow. Let’s see how long this one lasts!