I feel a big change in my life is in order. Maybe that is what I’m trying to accomplish with this blog and my podcast, but it isn’t enough, at least right now.
Family life has worked itself into a boring routine of come home from work, eat dinner, watch the baby/ bathe the baby/ get stuff ready for the baby for tomorrow until she goes to bed around 8:30, then it’s watch TV until bed at 10. Repeat every day forever.
Hopefully summer will change this pattern, I’m sure it will include walks to the park and cooking on the grill and enjoying the summer, going to the city pool, bike rides, and the like. And maybe what I am feeling is an anticipation of those events.
But regardless, something needs to change with my homelife. I’m not happy leading this type of life all the time. I knew it was part of the deal with having a baby and it was part of the deal I didn’t want back then, but I’m getting cabin fever bad, and I suppose it won’t change until we don’t have toddlers in the house, a.k.a. a long time from now.
With my website I am able to throw myself into writing or editing or prepping a show. My wife doesn’t appreciate the extra time this website has taken from her but she goes along with it for now. Still encouraging me until one day, maybe, she might blow up at me about it.
I feel like I need to go back to school. Find a new path to follow for a few years.
I feel like I need to explore something fully, like I used to.
While my wife was pregnant I was constantly worried that having kids would be the end of my growth. And while it has stunted a lot of things, anything you want to make time for you can still. It isn’t as big an issue as I thought. Especially at this point when my baby is pretty big and has fun all on her own all the time.
I guess I was and still am afraid that the time has passed for a big change to happen in my life. That I am stuck in whatever position I was in when that baby came out and that is a terrifying thought to me. I’m all about change and growth and education. Hopefully I still have enough energy left to jostle something loose here soon.